After It’s Over

With new relationships, there is always those beginning months where everything is fun and exciting. You’re learning about each other, share a lot of “me too’s!”, and it seems like nothing could be any more perfect. As time goes on, opportunities arise to see how each other handles stress, you learn more about their families, friends, decision making skills, etc. Inevitably there are going to be differences of opinion.

A little over a month ago, with just a couple days notice, Matt, the person I’ve been seeing for the last three months, was called away on some family business on the east coast. What started as a one week trip turned into three, and coupled with some technology issues, presented challenges for our relationship and resulted in our first argument. Poor communication, bailing on our 4th of July plans, and a subtle change in behavior led to quite a bit of stress on my part and a lot of guessing on what might become of our relationship.

Shortly before being called away, we had decided to move in together when his lease was up at the end of July. This weekend, just two weeks before he was supposed to move in and after multiple smaller discussions about the moving in plans, I learned he wanted to wait longer. Needless to say, this caused some serious concerns on my part. By keeping this information from me for over a month, I felt betrayed. I felt like we were taking a step backward. It caused doubts on whether or not I could trust him. It made me second guess whether we were on the same page, wanting the same future. Of course, all of this could have been avoided if he had told me right away when we first discussed moving in together that he wanted to wait longer. That’s a stance I could have respected because it would have been timely and honest.

I’ve always been on the bold side. If there is something I want, I go for it. I jump in head first and take a hope-for-the best approach. I don’t usually spend an abnormal amount of time worrying about what might happen or make decisions based out of fear. There’s always a chance with a new relationship that it won’t work out and I don’t think there is much you can do but give it your best and see what happens and I’ve always felt that I’d rather know sooner than later whether things were going to work out. Of course, you should use your best judgement on who to let into your life but if you don’t see any red flags with someone, why not dive in? Maybe I’ve been through enough breakups to know that if a relationship doesn’t work out, I will survive. I’ll learn something new and will take that into my next relationship and I’ll be better for it. Perhaps our timing was just off or maybe we really just weren’t right for each other but after another conversation tonight, and with more time to evaluate how I felt about things since our last discussion this weekend, I determined this wasn’t the right relationship for me, and we agreed to part as friends.

Coincidentally, I pulled a muscle in my back this weekend that had me laid up for the last few days. Luckily, it’s improving and I was able to go back to work today. This injury may have been a blessing in disguise because it gave me a lot of time to think and I’ve been thinking about what kind of life I want to live. I know without a doubt that our time here is short and will go by quickly. There isn’t time to waste being unhappy or committing to the wrong person. The people we surround ourselves with, the work we do, and the choices we make matter, it all adds up. I will be pondering all of this and more in the coming days to decide what my next steps will be but I suspect I will be making some significant changes soon. One change I have been wanting to make and am implementing tonight is to be more honest in my writing. I value transparency in all areas of my life, this place shouldn’t be any different. I hope this new level of transparency is well-received as you continue to follow along. Stay tuned…..

 

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