Nothing that is Worthwhile is Ever Easy

It’s difficult for someone who wants to get out there and live life to sit around day after day alone.  These past couple of weeks I have been finding it difficult to keep saying “no” to invitations to get out and do things.  Bachelorette parties, bridal showers, birthday dinners, live music performances and so forth.  I love these times to get together with good people and simply enjoy each other’s conversations.  But, these things all cost money and I do not have the luxury of spending $5 here, $10 there, $20 over there.  It all adds up.  Being a single person living alone on a nonprofit salary does not afford many luxuries.  It definitely doesn’t allow for things like a savings account or retirement plan.  I live paycheck to paycheck and when emergencies come up, all hell breaks loose.  It usually involves living off ramen and boxed macaroni and cheese for weeks or even months on end until I can bounce back.  I knew when I decided to get serious about moving to Oregon, I would have to save about $6,000 – $7,000 over the course of the next year.  I knew that would be difficult and would mean making sacrifices in order to achieve but now that I’m actually making those changes, I find it a little more difficult than I first imagined. 

This is my last year in Wisconsin which means I naturally want to make the most of the time I have left here with my friends.   These people are more like my family than my family is at times and I know I will miss them tremendously once I’m in Oregon.  It seems a bit unfair, such is life, that amidst the last of my time here I am unable to participate in the activities that my friends and I usually do together.  There will be no going out to dinner or lunch or grabbing a drink and no fun weekend trips away.  This isn’t to say that there aren’t free things to do around town but they all tend to involve driving to get to them which anyone with a gas guzzling vehicle knows, isn’t cheap.  Every little bit adds up and I simply cannot afford any of it if I’m going to save anything for Oregon.  So instead of spending time with my friends, I’ve been reading a lot more, writing more (obviously), working on some photography projects, watching movies and pouring myself more into my work (if that’s even possible).  I do miss talking to my friends though and at times it’s more than I can bear watching everyone live their lives through Facebook pictures and status updates.    

Perhaps this is all part of my journey and exactly how it should be.  I believe beyond reason that there is a life waiting for me in Oregon that will bring a happiness I have never known.  I cannot explain it.  Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach wrote “Those who understand only what can be explained understand very little.” I do not know how much I understand about anything right now but I have faith in Oregon and am willing to follow that feeling where it leads me.    

“When you walk to the edge of all the light you have and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown, you must believe that one of two things will happen:  There will be something solid for you to stand upon, or, you will be taught to fly.” – Patrick Overton

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